


Why are you TOUCHING me

by BSplendens



Series: Dominus Silvarum [3]
Category: Mythological 'verse in general
Genre: A lot of "I am disgusting WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING ME" going on, Angst, Body Dysphoria, Body issues in general, Forcible cuddling of someone who does not want to be cuddled, Mild gore description because zombie, Mildly suicidal character, Not the falling-apart kind, Rut/mating season, Self-Loathing, Sex between a zombie kirin and an agender shade, Slight dubcon (possibly), The zombie does not like being a zombie, Who might be majorly suicidal if he could actually die, maybe some fluff, self-disgust
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-08 00:36:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4283961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BSplendens/pseuds/BSplendens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Any sort of breeding season absolutely SUCKS when your entire species is horrified by you. Fortunately, guardian shades are not easily horrified.<br/>AKA: Dominus would like to not have this body, please, and Oma is (possibly far too) helpful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why are you TOUCHING me

Dominus was NOT enjoying himself.

Kirins had a mating season, in early spring. The males had a rut, females a heat. It wasn't as strong as in other animals, though, they didn't lose their minds... they were just a good bit more inclined to mate. To forestall the frustration that could come with the mating season, they would usually travel to the nearest area that housed another kirin, if they didn't have a mate already. This wasn't usually difficult; kirins were rare and didn't often become pregnant, so they would often take any opportunity to possibly have a calf. Also, they didn't tend to be too fussy about gender in a temporary partner.

Dominus, though... no one was going to take him as a mate, even a temporary one. He was  _dead,_ after all. Plus, judging by the reaction he'd gotten from the last kirin he'd met after his transformation, no living kirin would even get  _near_ him. So he was reduced to trying to find something inanimate that would work... which wasn't going well. So, essentially, he was going to be frustrated and uncomfortable for about a week. And he really, really wasn't happy about this. 

He'd retreated to a remote forest clearing to avoid interaction in general, and he was now staring at a mossy log. Well... to be more precise, he was trying to decide if he wanted to try humping the log. He was starting to lean towards yes, when a noise at the edge of the clearing caught his attention. Growling, he twisted his head around to glare at the cause, then withdrew into himself and snorted angrily at Oma.  _"Go away."_ he ordered, tail lashing irritably as he glared at the shade. 

 

"I don't mean to bother you, Dominus, I'm just concerned. Are you oka- oh." Oma stepped a bit closer, then paused, picking up on the  _angry/frustrated_ feelings swirling around Dominus. "Oh... I see." he sighed, then perked up slightly, moving a bit closer. "How about I help? I don't have genitalia, but I have soft hands, and I'm glad to help if you want." he offered, sitting down near Dominus and tilting his head slightly. "You're just... so uncomfortable. Please... let me help?" 

 

Dominus stared at him for a moment, then glanced down at Oma's hands, seriously contemplating the idea. Normally he would have just given Oma an odd look and huffed at him, but now... now he was seriously considering the idea of humping inanimate objects in order to relieve the discomfort. At least Oma was sentient... and he did look soft. But... there was a bit of a problem. Dominus was sort of decayed, and he did NOT like people looking at him... hence why he wore the suit illusion all the time. He didn't want Oma watching him. Though... it would actually be nice to have someone looking at him without being horrified, and Oma had never seemed bothered before... but, no. He didn't want to be watched, period.  _"Fine. But I don't want you looking at me."_ he growled, grabbing Oma and turning him around, then attempted to shove the shade onto all fours.  _"Down."_

 

"I'm really not going to be bothered, but... alright. I won't look at you." Oma hummed, allowing himself to be pushed onto all fours, then relaxed and shut his eyes. "I haven't done this before, not this way at least, so I don't really know how to reciprocate. Just do whatever you'd like... you won't hurt me, I promise." he coaxed, resisting the urge to look up at Dominus and be all soothing. No, that probably wasn't what Dominus wanted... he didn't like being looked at, and attempts at soothing him usually just annoyed him. "Would you like me to try anything?" 

 

_"No. Just- be still. Tell me if I hurt you, but other than that, no talking."_ Dominus growled, really not in the mood for Oma's usual soothing chattiness. Now... shifting into kirin form probably wasn't a great idea, he'd be too large and would probably hurt Oma. He was horny and cranky, but he didn't want to hurt the shade. So... he'd just stay in this form. This form had hands, at least... that would be useful. 

Growling in a way that was somewhere between angry and eager, Dominus shook off the suit illusion and essentially just mounted Oma, biting down on the back of his neck to keep him still. Rumbling deep in the back of his throat, he ground roughly against the inside of Oma's thigh, not being anywhere  _near_ gentle now that he finally had an opportunity to at least imitate mating with something. He'd been uncomfortable for two days now, and it had just been getting worse. He probably couldn't be gentle if he tried. 

 

Oma huffed slightly, shifting his weight a bit, then arched his back in mild surprise when Dominus ground against something that was evidently quite sensitive. He didn't say anything, though... Dominus wanted him to be quiet, so he'd be quiet. And, oh, that- that was actually starting to feel really good. Apparently Dominus had found a sensitive spot, and- that actually felt really, really good. Oh, he might enjoy this for more than just making Dominus feel better... and he'd probably want to do this again. "A-ah-" 

 

 

 

It took quite awhile for Dominus' instincts and body to finally stop yelling at him. When he could finally relax, he gripped Oma's arm and tugged the shade over to an alcove he'd been curled up in, roughly nudging Oma up against a large tree and looking down at him. " _Are you hurt?"_ he asked softly, somewhat worried by how limp Oma was.  _"Did I-?"_

 

Oma hummed softly, reaching up to gently pet Dominus' cheek. "No, no... I'm not hurt. It's not possible for you to hurt me without using something very sharp. I'm okay, I'm just... oddly tired. That... actually felt quite nice." he soothed, stroking his fingertips gently along the white bone in an effort to soothe the kirin. And Dominus was now practically radiating guilt... oh dear, had he made this worse somehow? Dominus hadn't hurt him, so... what was the kirin upset about? "Dominus... what's wrong? It's okay... I'm fine, I promise. You didn't do anything wrong... what are you feeling  so guilty about?" 

 

_"USED you."_ Dominus growled, shaking his head and turning away.  _"Shouldn't just take. Not right. Wasn't expecting you to enjoy it... I shouldn't just TAKE... don't deserve it."_

Dominus' mental communication was rapidly degrading from words to just waves of emotion, disgust chief among them. Not disgust at Oma, though... self-loathing might be a more accurate term. He shouldn't have done that... Oma wasn't an inanimate object. He deserved better than this, deserved better than just being  _used_ to work off an instinctive urge... didn't deserve to be USED. Stupid, naive, soft, overly protective shade didn't know enough to stop himself from being used, and Dominus shouldn't have taken advantage of that... it was wrong. 

Glaring at the soft red hands stroking his jawline, Dominus huffed at Oma, then shook his head and arched his neck up to glare down at the shade.  _"STOP TRYING TO COMFORT ME. You shouldn't be trying to comfort me. I just USED you, you should be angry."_ he snarled, tugging his face out of Oma's reach. And that was when his communication ceased to be verbal entirely and switched over to just an angry feeling that loosely translated to "I don't deserve this" combined with a hefty dose of anger and self-loathing. 

 

Oma basically climbed into Dominus' lap, preventing the kirin's attempts at getting away from him. "Now you stop that!" he ordered, reaching up and lightly slapping the side of Dominus' face several times. "You did nothing wrong. I OFFERED to let you do whatever you want, and I enjoyed it. You did not use me, I have no reason to be mad, and you are NOT disgusting. Dominus... it's okay. You did nothing wrong... please stop hating yourself so much." he crooned, then leaned up and nuzzled against Dominus' cheek despite the kirin's attempts at leaning away. "Shh..." 

 

Dominus snarled something that was essentially a nonverbal curse, clearly not believing him, then froze when he was nuzzled. That... that was... oh. That was  _exactly_ what another kirin would do in this situation... did Oma know that? Of course he did, Oma was able to pick up on anything that might help comfort someone, but... but that was... that was what a kirin would do to comfort him, and... it  _hurt._ This was what Dominus had been wanting for a very long time, another kirin accepting him,  _comforting_ him. He needed to be told that it was okay, but he didn't  _deserve_ it, he was a monster who shouldn't even exist- he didn't deserve Oma being so sweet to him- 

Dominus gave a shuddering, choking little cry, then roughly tried to shove Oma away, which didn't work at all. Anger circling back on him and fueling his disgust, he bared his fangs and snarled in Oma's face, though his mental voice radiated pain rather than anger.  _"GET OFF ME!"_

 

Oma shifted to cling tighter, firmly anchoring himself. He was very strong when determined, and he was currently very determined. "No- I'm not leaving you alone like this. Last time I left someone alone when they felt like this, I ended up having to take a gun away from them. I am NOT going to leave!" he nearly shouted, raising his voice in an attempt to get Dominus' attention. He needed the kirin to pay attention to him, so he could yell a bit. Also, he could reach up and grab Dominus' face, make the kirin look at him. "Look at me. Now- you're like this because you think you used me, because I didn't enjoy myself. Well... I enjoyed myself, honestly. Now, since you still feel bad... what do kirins typically do after mating? Most sentient species like to cuddle after intercourse, so... what now? And don't tell me that it doesn't apply because you aren't a kirin. I'm not a kirin either. Just- show me." 

 

Dominus tried to shake his head loose, then finally went still, staring at Oma and panting despite the fact that he didn't need (or have) lungs.  _"I... why? Why do you want me to... why do you want to touch me?"_ he whispered, looking down at himself, then shuddered and re-summoned his suit illusion.  _"I'm... this."_

 

"Dominus... I've told you, it doesn't bother me. But... never mind that right now. Just... show me. Show me what's normal, show me what you like, show me what feels good... please? I want to enjoy this..." Oma hummed, carefully stroking Dominus' cheek in an attempt to soothe him. "Show me something that feels good for both of us... okay? Can you do that for me?" he crooned, trying his best to coax Dominus' attention away from the  _disgust/pain/loathing_ coming off of him in waves. "Don't think about anything else... just show me something we can both enjoy. I'm willing to do just about anything... intimate or not. What do you like?" 

 

_"I..."_ Dominus tilted his head slightly, looking down at Oma, then slowly raised a hand and carefully traced his fingertips up the shade's back.  _"After mating, my ki- kirins- usually lay together and just... touch. Grooming in kirin form, or... just touching, in this form. During a mating season, whoever is least exhausted usually goes and gets a meal for all involved. Because... mating seasons... last for some time. Partners- temporary or not- will need plenty of energy."_ he sighed, slowly venturing his other hand up to touch Oma's cheek, then cautiously leaned in and nuzzled the shade's jawline.  _"You... want me to... what do you want?"_

 

"Pet me." Oma decided, reaching up to stroke the back of Dominus' neck. "Just... pet me. I don't have much experience with this sort of thing... you have more knowledge. Show me what feels nice, okay?" he coaxed, scooting a bit closer and offering himself to Dominus. "I like the nuzzling... maybe keep doing that. And... I want you to show me how to do things that feel nice." 

 

_I don't understand this. I don't understand why you like to touch me. I don't understand why you aren't afraid of me... I don't understand why you aren't angry or disgusted. I don't... I don't understand. But... but I think I like it, and... you like it. So... I'm going to... I want to continue. Maybe I can... try to make this up to you."_

Dominus tilted his head slightly, looking Oma over, then leaned in and gently rubbed his jawline along Oma's neck. Kirins usually had scent glands there... this was meant to stimulate the glands and cause them to scent-mark the person being rubbed, plus it usually felt rather nice. There was little point to it now, but maybe Oma would like it? Dominus kept slowly nuzzling and rubbing his way along Oma's neck and shoulder, carefully stroking the shade's back as he did. His face and hands were the parts of him with the least flesh, they were just clean white bone, so... he was okay with touching Oma like this. 

 

"There... that's it. This feels nice, Dominus... maybe try a bit lower?" Oma suggested, arching his back slightly and pressing into Dominus' hands. "Oh- yes, th-that's it... right there. Keep rubbing that spot... feels nice." he purred, slumping against Dominus' frame, then began to rub gently at the base of the kirin's neck. "Now... show me what you like. I'd like to reciprocate, if you're comfortable with it." 

 

_So HELPFUL. Silly thing._ Dominus shook his head, then tensed up in horror when he realized something. Oma was always like this, always helpful... the shade never refused to aid someone. He  _couldn't_ refuse... which meant...  _"I... took advantage of you."_ he whispered, then tried (and failed) again to push Oma away.  _"No, get off- you need to leave, now."_ he ordered, trying again to pry Oma's frame away from himself.  _  
_

 

"W-what? No, you didn't- Dominus, what are you talking about?" Oma questioned, suddenly alarmed by the sheer horror he could feel coming off of Dominus. "I'm perfectly fine... I'm not hurt, or... w-what do you think you did wrong?" 

 

_"You can't refuse someone if you think they need help, so... you couldn't refuse. Which means I did... that... without proper consent from you. And you need to leave, now, before I start acting like that again- I don't want to take advantage of you again. You need to leave, NOW."_ Dominus insisted, now doing his best to get away from Oma so the shade would stop trying to help him and go away.  _"Go away. Now. I can't- can't let you be hurt again-"_

 

"Oh... Dominus, no, listen to me." Oma ordered softly, grabbing Dominus' lower jaw again so he couldn't look away. "I have a very strong urge to help, yes, but that does NOT compromise my ability to decide what I want. If I didn't want to have intercourse with you, I would have found another way to help you. I genuinely wanted that to happen. You did not take advantage of me, you did not hurt me, and you did nothing bad to me." he soothed, then leaned up and nuzzled against Dominus' neck, trying to help him calm down. "Please, Dominus... try to relax. You don't need to be upset. I gave you permission to do whatever you wanted, and I was fully capable of consenting when I gave that permission. It's okay, Dominus... I promise. It's okay. I enjoyed myself, if that helps... I really did." 

 

Dominus tried to shake his head away, then went still, staring down into Oma's eyes. Did he... really mean that? But... but that didn't make sense.  _"You... you shouldn't have done that. I... t-the rut will not go away that easily, and now I will end up wanting to find you next time I get to that stage, and... why are you letting me touch you? I can understand why my hands don't bother you, at least they're clean, but-"_ shuddering, the kirin shed his suit illusion, staring down at the tattered skin and flesh that barely clung to his ribcage. He wasn't in a state of active decay, not technically, but his skin and muscle weren't durable at all and tended to tear just as fast as they grew back. This left him with exposed muscle and bone everywhere, and always with his ribcage open to expose the flickering, dancing flames that coated his still-beating heart.  _"How could you let me do that? How could you stand to let me touch you? I can't even stand to touch myself!"_

 

"Dominus... I think I might understand why this bothers you so much, but... it doesn't bother me at all." Oma hummed, then cuddled into Dominus' lap, gently petting the kirin's tattered ribcage in an attempt to soothe him slightly. "Shh... Dominus, please... try to calm down. You didn't hurt me, you didn't force me into anything, and you aren't disgusting. Now... I want you to tell me exactly what's going on, okay? Tell me why you were so... desperate. Did somebody drug you somehow? And... is it going to happen again?" 

 

Dominus whined and tried to lean away, then shivered, staring down at Oma's hands. Oma... actually meant that. And... Oma was still  _touching_ him. It was strange, but... it felt so  _good._ Kirins weren't the most social of creatures, but they did appreciate contact on occasion, especially during/after a rut. Dominus hadn't had any significant positive contact in years... he needed this. Quivering, he put both arms around Oma's frame, his anger rapidly bleeding away and being replaced by a tight knot of guilt, self-loathing, and raw confusion. 

Oh. Oma wanted to know what the rut was? Might as well explain, then.  _"No, I'm not drugged. It's a rut... like heat cycles, to some extent. Kirins have a period of the year where, essentially, the drive to find at least a temporary mate becomes... very strong. Usually kirins will travel elsewhere to find a mate... kirin fawns are very rare, so typically kirins will take any opportunity to potentially have one. But... no kirin on Earth, or anywhere else, would even **touch** me. And... the rut doesn't go away in the absence of a potential mate. It usually lasts about a week. With a partner, it's not bad at all... in fact, it's rather enjoyable. But... without a partner, it's exceedingly unpleasant. Which is why I was so... uncomfortable. And... the instincts tend to override a lot of thought. Which... is part of the reason why I was... not gentle. I sincerely apologize for that... I should at least have tried to make that enjoyable." _he sighed, then slowly rested his head on top of Oma's, reluctantly enjoying the contact.  _"And... yes, it will happen again. The rut won't ease for at least another three days, and I will most likely be somewhat uncomfortable again in a few hours."_ the kirin explained softly, then squirmed slightly, looking down at Oma.  _"And... I would like you to leave before then, please."_

 

Oma hummed softly, looking up at Dominus, then leaned back a bit and tilted his head slightly.  _"_ So... you feel guilty about, among other things, not trying to make me feel good? Well... how about we just try that again, but with you a bit calmer?"he offered, shifting to gently straddle the larger being's hips. "Despite what people tend to think, I have no aversion to sex or sexual activities. I just don't have the parts most people think are required for such things. Also, people don't tend to be too interested in me. So... I'm curious. Show me." he crooned, meeting Dominus' eyes as much as possible. 

 

Dominus looked down at him, then tilted his head slightly, now basically just radiating confusion.  _"I... you want... what? You want me to... with you?"_ _  
_

 

Oma hummed softly up at him, then leaned in and nuzzled Dominus' cheek, gently stroking the back of the larger being's neck as he did. "I do. That felt good the first time, so I want to see how it feels when you're not desperate and all wound up." he explained, trailing one hand carefully down Dominus' back, then along his leg in an exploratory gesture. "And- show me what I can do for you. I want us both to enjoy this... okay? Show me what feels good." he cooed, trying to calm Dominus enough to get the big kirin focused on him instead of on a perceived wrongdoing. "Come on now... can you show me?" 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have much muse for this at the moment, but I don't want the draft to get deleted.  
> I'll work on the next chapter at a later point, when my muse jumps back in.


End file.
